We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
