sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
