walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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