i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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