Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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