I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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