Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize