Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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