She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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