I bet he comes in French.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
