thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
