Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
