My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
