I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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