there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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