he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
