i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
