Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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