I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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