If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
