we have officially lost it.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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