Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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