these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
