They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
