I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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