This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
