Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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