I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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