did you get engaged???
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Come see our sink grown plant.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
