she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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