I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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