Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
