Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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