you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
