at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
