I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
