while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
