genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
