Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
