At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
