he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
