in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
