You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
