Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
