John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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