Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
