How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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