i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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