I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
