His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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