I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
