I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
