he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
