Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
